"I'm learning all about my life, by looking through her eyes .."
Through Her Eyes, Dream Theater
Gently, my mom hug me. I was crying all day, and she said, "Forget him. Move forward and all you have to do is to get up. You have life, and don't ever look back." What she said to me was when I being 'cured'. Almost half a year I've been so chained inside so-called love (or maybe that's point of view of sick people like me). I saw she cried, too. She never been so in pain, I thought.
Weeks after that, I still acted like an insane girl, obsessed by someone that already left me. I still cried all day and night, I still moved backwards. I still tried finding him in my past, I still tried comforting myself with what he did. Everything seemed so beautiful, positively pretty. Till I found myself dying, in pain, (Okay, I'm letting you to judge me that I am so excessive) and I still didn't get what I wanted..
At the end of December last year, everything was revealed. I could see behind his mask, what he did to me so badly, although we've been separated. And thank God, absolutely. A day after I knew everything about him, I was starting to stand up and fight what I felt. The feeling, like love, desire to be bound together again, repeating the best memories we ever had, was Poooofff! dissapeared. And Thank God again, I really love myself after that. I really love me when I got me free. All the string between me and him, broken off obviously. :)
Mom, overriding my pain, my sickness, my insecurity, my 'fake plastic life', she still stand behind me. Eventhough I never see her walk beside me, but I am really sure that she always ready to lend her shoulder for me to get back.
I remember when she updated her facebook status:
"A mom, will always support her children. Everything they want, everything they want to be, a good mom is always stand behind them. In case of they cannot reach their dreams, they can be always back to me, anytime."
Just like having a real hard slap on my face, I remember what she said. (Yea, I cry all the time. I'm a drama queen, and I think, crying is a must when you feel so damn deep) Mom taught me a lot in addressing life. She told me, acted to me, just like a real 'guru' and also, a real mom.
Today everybody taught me about what we called: "destiny or fate". I've been so curious why, why I have to know about that even I don't care about what will I be and do tomorrow.
points I get, are:
- Being indecisive is just like you want to go but you don't want to go. So many factors that could be your consideration, but if you are not strong, so hell, don't ever try to be strong. Just feel strong, feel that you can get through the storm and you'll be okay.
- Boring, is a condition when you feel that you can't restrain yourself to do something. You already knew that, fellas. Do you know when you get bored, what you have to do? Try to find something, or anything that could distract you from that thing. I don't teach you how you run away from your responsibility, but why we have to do the same thing over and over again? Sometimes, get bored is natural. But in other times, you realize by yourself that you have to get back to your customary life. You need people and people does need you too.
- Avoiding the risks is a way you are not sure about your abilities. You are not convinced yet by everything that blurry in front of you. And along with this mindset, you successfully become a loser. The real loser is when somebody doesn't want to dream anything about himself/herself. I am learning this today, and I don't think that God would leave me when I am trying to do my best. Risks are avoidable, but facing it will be more valuable for you. If you succeed, finally you win. But if you lose, it is called experience.
- Imposing somebody to get stuck on you is really really bad. I am that bad. I am trying not to be that bad. Something that you can't ignore, whatever you want happiness, there's always be sadness. Don't think egocentrically toward everybody, 'cause I am pretty sure, you don't want to be in chain too. (Yeah, I know I am just like a girl who can do this easily, but trust me, it's really hard for me to do, but I keep trying).
- If you get lost, then you have two choices: first, still move on and second, get back. Every people that loved you so much will open their warm arms to hold you and make you strong (again).
- Be mature, people. Whatever your age is, whatever you did yesterday, just make yourself sure that you can face it. If you have enough experiences to learn, so it can be easier for you to move forward.
Getting through all of this, I can convince myself (so you can convince yourself too) to get whatever I want, just feel strong and go!
The world we live is just like a stage, and all of us are dancers, you'll get tired sometimes but you love to feel the rhyme and keep dancing.
August 19th, 2010. 17:07 PM.
Rissa Ramadhani fauzia, with her brand new horizon.
this blog post was taken from my facebook note: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=453868258932