Thursday, March 18

Confession I : Good Morning Revival

You’re tired, tired of running
You’re tired, tired of listening
You’re tired, tired of hurting
Today we could revive
(Good Charlotte, Good Morning Revival)

As the days grew more crucial branches, I still keep the smallest part, the essential one, faith. In my life, all seems keep moving, all in a dynamic range. Once I saw it scrolled in and out, once ran and ran. If you believe to what I said, then in a human ‘theory’, let’s say that I am tired, so tired of all this.

My feet stand still, they grip forcefully this ground. I don’t say that I am tired of my life; you know I won’t give up. Giving up is not inside my head, indeed! To be more honest, I keep running for nothing. I don’t have any expectation to what extent I should fight. You know, I keep running, I keep listening, I keep hurting myself. I do anything to find out what exactly I wish to find.

The very best damn thing is I could learn some fresh-and-brand new lesson everyday. I learned from this girl, that guy, and everyone. A best friend of mine said that I am one step further than others, so problems may always right in your back. He said that my life will become meaningless if I can’t face it. Like a puzzle, God has made human beautiful pictures, but He scattered it. He wants to know how much we understand and figure out our projection of life. Yes, all ours. What we should do is to find every pieces of it, ally it to be one complete picture.

Obviously, my picture is still vague. I don’t know what I will do and what I will be. As I said, I just run and fight. But for what? I still don’t get it. Some says that I have to be a best damn teacher; others say that I worked pretty well on writing. Gosh, if I could have a chance to raise my hand up, and say, “Objection!” I want to be an artist. In this word, I put my dream, try to live on it. I want to be a musician. As if I could be like whomever famous people, I want to take my part too. I love music from the very first I knew it, but I have never had a chance to play anything, except guitar.

While I leaning on my bed and recalling all of this, I intensely believe that I haven’t decided anything yet. Become a teacher, or blogger, or scriptwriter, or even artist, all fused inside my head and I, just feeling worried of myself. Maybe I shouldn’t run for nothing and keep on the track. That sounds relieving and yet interesting. God will show me the way to what I should be someday. Maybe not tomorrow, nor the day after tomorrow. But in my journey, I believe that God will always accompany me. And if I become nothing until I die, it means that I fail to become a human. Geez, sounds bad. Really bad.

Folks! What a very bright morning today. The sky is so clear and I feel so fresh in inhaling the air. Sunrise is breaking through my window, and the road is already jammed. I think this is only our private conversation, actually this is the second-day I don’t sleep at night. See, I hurt myself so much. LOL.

Maybe you don’t know this, but I’d like to tell you something that quite important. Inspiration doesn’t come at night, yet at noon. It’s all in the morning. Believe me, you’ll understand it. Me too, I feel like it too. Every morning you’ll get revival, every morning you’ll get miracle.

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