Friday, July 17

A Hateful Man

Hello again!
Can't believe I write four times in two days row here. It's maybe just because I can't talk to anybody than you, my dearest friend. It's 5 years now you listened to my story and I know you'll never be bored. Even I'm getting older, me is still me. And you know me very well.

So as you know…
I am in love with the most hateful person in the world. Not because he hates people, no. He's the kindest, cheerful funny man who once treated the world as his most favorite game he'd always love to conquer. He never had a single shitty thought about anybody. When he dislikes something, it's never personal. He also never hates anyone so deeply he could play God by planning revenges. He's the easiest person I've ever met. At least that's what I see him on the surface.

Did you know, that I learned so much from him? Well maybe he was the first person who taught me how to give myself self-respect, and by giving me an endless support for my dreams. Ah, dreams! You know how much I didn't like to share any of my dreams! It was because I didn't believe how people would see that as big as I do. And this person, miraculously, understand what I am into.

So… He never hates people rather than he heated himself. For not being good enough for himself and people around him. Sometimes he hates how natural it is to make mistakes, how fine it is to disappoint people. He hates when the Earth finally touches the darkest side, so that he can't provide any lights for us. Because that's what he always does. Because that's who he is.

When I keep reminding him that there'll be so many problems (yes I'm quite sure that I can be one of those, maybe the biggest of them all), and nothing he can't defeat. He's so strong and I know that without any further explanation why me believing that -- it's just because he proved he could do that million times. He's modern achilles and he's also mine.

God I love him so much. Simple because for being a human.

It's not the first time when he decided to pull himself out of the world, including me. He sometimes takes the momentum when I am pissed or he pissed so much he couldn't handle. He, then, became the stranger in our relationship, leaving me no clue or any pint-points where the hell do I have to begin (or finish)? He's just maybe, simply being a human with his own fucked-up mind, endless problems, (in any other things that maybe God and himself who know.

It's just temporary, isn't it?
Or…. is the time finally up?

Well I don't have a clue either.

Dear friend, you know that I never made limitation for any of my relationships. I wanted them to be long lasting, never ending bittersweet story to be told to my grand children. Maybe I'm that old. I can't be a girl who play around and fall for another. I don't want any of my relationships hit the expiration button, but…

You know,
I was wrong. I am wrong.

Anything has never been set to FOREVER. Anything has its own expiration button, now or later. Visible or not.

But if I could have a wish…
This man right here I've told you… Maybe I interpreted him wrong, but I don't care. I hope he finally gets that life will never pick favorites; everybody gets happiness and sadness equally. So at least he could hate himself less, day by day.

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